You Don’t Have to Sell Yourself: How to Use a Networking Referral Guide

To get a good job, you do not have to sell yourself.  You’re not a commodity.  Neither are you worthless, waiting for a handout if someone passes you by.  Here is where your new Networking Referral Guide will help you get your needs met. 

Helping people is a need. 

Interests, like hearing the voice of the customer, IT security enhancement, or managing finances of companies, are also needs waiting to be filled.[1]  For instance, if I cannot figure out my electric bill, I need someone in customer service billing to explain it to me. Their interest is sorting out billing problems and explaining them to people who need the help. The customer service person’s interest, is to help people, and my need is to be helped. This is what is meant by needing needing.  (I would love to hear your comments on this as I am working out the language to describe what I’ve been seeing in our job search interactions.)

Job seekers do not hire themselves or make employers hire them. 

In job transition, we are

a) looking for needs we can help fill, and

b) available for being found to fill them. 

Employers are looking for good candidates and model employees who will fill needs the way the employer wants them to be filled. So we need to be found. And when we are found, it’s because it looks like we can fill needs in the way the employer wants that done. We seem to be whom the employer is looking for. The employer will feel like their search is finally over.

In order for hiring managers to consider hiring us, they need to feel like they know, like and trust us enough to perform the specific activities that fill the needs the employer has or is anticipating.  This is where a Networking Referral Guide comes in. Similar to a resume, it tells the reader something about your background and how you satisfy needs. It does not list a chronology of your career, but lists needs that you are available to fill that would match up with an employer’s needs. It has something of your style and tone (needed for fit) and if you have organizations listed that are similar to theirs, that will help them picture you in a role with their firm, too. Finally, a Referral Guide helps structure a conversation so you and your networking partner can uncover the needs and interests you both have.

Questions you can bring up to uncover needs and interests, strengths and weaknesses, might be:

  • What problems are you seeing in this industry (or your company if it’s not pushing too hard).

  • What issues or trends are you seeing?

  • What are you and others doing to solve these issues, or meet opportunities? How are those efforts working out so far? What else needs to be done?

  • Who else is interested in these trends or issues? Who else is trying to help? Are you in a position to refer me to them?

  • How can I help you now, if in any way? Can I refer you to someone?

    • This is a choice point. We go into these conversations - and people have agreed to meet with us - for information exchange, not selling our services. Our opinion going in is that we are not the one who can help, but we may know of someone who can. This gives a potential employer a pressure-less experience of what it’s like to work with us - that we’re helpful, that we stand with them, before expecting a handout. We are building KLT - Know, Like, and Trust factor - as well as visibility and memorability. It will be easy to follow up with a connection to help solve their problem. Or meet for another cup of coffee.

    • This is an ethical position. They did not put themselves in a client/customer relationship with us and we ought not sell our services when what they agreed to was helping us, or only getting to know us. We should not put ourselves in the position of working for them, when they have not extended an offer to expand the relationship. And, truth to tell, we don’t actually know yet if we want to work for them. Bait and switch never feels good.

Additionally, your networking partner may know of an employer with those needs and interests you share. They could refer you to a company or organization needing your ability to serve.  This is networking – not just finding out what somebody does, but what needs they each fill so one can refer the other to the person with the interests. It may be skills, temperament or something else – specialized expertise, good people skills, or needs for leadership to change a culture or get jobs done on time and under budget – that will meet the employer’s or customers’ needs. Your needs to do the work of meeting those needs is included in the referral. It smooths the way. See?

 

What do you need to value in order to communicate your interests? 

You need to value yourself, your expertise and your worth. This is paramount, for without it you will not communicate clearly. You will hold back on your expertise or needs and say, “I’ll do anything I’m asked to do,” running the chance of being picked up by someone who has unhealthy needs for control, or worse, neediness that just sucks you dry.[2]

Put a stake in the ground and let your light shine from it! This way, people get excited about your light shining - your needs and interests. They want to help and advocate for you! Convert your stake into a beacon for those who are looking for your talents, skills and demeanor.  You need to sound like yourself so an ideal employer recognizes you as the one they’ve been looking for, the one who gets them – the needle in the haystack they are looking for.

 

How a Networking Referral Guide Fits Into Overall Networking

Networking is finding needs of others and filling them with our expertise. Sometimes our expertise is technical, specific to a need for, say, a Java programmer, or an Accounting Manager. Other times, the need is for our people skills – empathy, trust in the process, industry knowledge and connections, or an idea of someone else who might help.

This Networking Referral Guide is a tool to a) help you think through what you want to do, b) see the value of it, c) work out how to communicate it and d) help others see the value and help you communicate it to others beyond the conversation you are in.

Formulating Your Text in the Boxes

Using the format, see if you can answer the questions, in boiled down fashion so the boxes all fit on one page. Then you can use the words you come up with in networking conversations, at parties, in line at the grocery store, or formal networking events. 

The main thing is to pick the burning problem you most like to work on and the people or organizations you solve the problem for. Make the rest of the document support that, including who else might know about such a group or company.

The line at the top, Job Search Focus, needs some explaining. These are not the title of your new role, but a place holder for you to put the focus of TPJ, The Perfect Job.  Is it, for example, Extraordinary Customer Service Management, Improving IT Systems, Exploring Options in Recruiting?  Yes, you can use this document for exploring your career interests. Do this for a couple of weeks and see what new ideas you have for pursuing your next career goal or job.

There are two ways to use the document itself.

One is, if your contact has asked you to send a resume before you have a 1-2-1, get-to-know-you meeting, send your Guide instead. 

Or, you can take it with you to the meeting and use it as a map and leave-behind to cover your topics.[3]  Ask questions about who they know who might have these needs or who they know who might know someone who has the interests. This offer to meet needs is different from selling in that your interest is to uncover true needs in order to offer to help. You may hear of someone who has needs you cannot personally fill. Do you see the difference? Your genuine interest in helping is needs-meeting whether it’s to your immediate benefit or not. (It meets your need to help, too.)

 

Finally, one last thing

To begin to see yourself as being found, emphasize that you want to be doing these active activities (analyzing data using SPSS software, writing HR policy manuals, planning strategic marketing campaigns in print and social media). Tell your networking partner how happy people are when you work with them. Say what they told you. It’s not bragging; it’s giving helpful information. My example is, my clients cheer, “I got the job!” when they complete their search work. By using this phrase I demonstrate how happy and excited people are about concluding their searches well. See what you can say that conveys the emotion of the results you are helping people receive.

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In Case you need it, here is the Link to the Profile Template in Google Docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tiZ-H_bwQ0ZT1sBXf9qVwxp6uey4CwXBSvG1rqoCJTQ/edit?usp=sharing

[1] Sometimes we don’t think of things we are interested in as needs.  Music on the phone while we are waiting, for instance, may seem more like an interest than a need. On hold with Apple, I get to choose the type of music I am interested in hearing. That’s because my need to wait for service because I can’t delay my question any longer, is met with support to stay on the line by providing music to my liking. In the I Got the Job! Success System, we look at interests and needs as interchangeable. 

[2] Most often this situation comes from mental models and images that are fearful of retaliation, failure, betrayal, shame or abandonment. I will write another blog post about that.  In the meantime, pick a role or need you would like to fill and use this Referral Guide as a way to communicate your value to anyone you meet.

[3] Going through your document is not your only agenda item for this meeting.  You also want to get to know the person and their needs and interests. Ask them the same target questions back. Talking about you and your interests should be  approximately half of the conversation (maybe a little more if the original purpose of the meeting is to help you in your job search).