Lately, I've encountered some situations where I noticed some, let’s call them "misunderstandings" or "disconnects from reality", regarding networking. These encounters have come from 1-2-1 meetings with novice networkers, from questions at presentations I have given, and even from a March 14 article in The Wall Street Journal by Peggy Noonan. I have sorted them into three broad categories, and I want to discuss each one. Those categories are:

1. "I hate networking..." or "I hate networking, but I like building relationships..."
2. I'm here to sell (or get a job, or meet an investor...) but no one here is buying (or hiring, or investing...)
3. Who am I to do a 1-2-1 meeting with?

"I hate networking"
I've heard this comment made in various forms by people who may have had a bad experience in their past attempts at networking. Or maybe they are new to the process and have not yet realized that networking is actually just a formal term for building relationships.

There is zero evidence that networking is ever taught at the college level, and my kids in high-school have never come home and mentioned it to me at the dinner table, so it should be no surprise that educated people in the workforce are unfamiliar with the mindset, processes, and value of networking. As I mentioned in my very first networking notes, I write these to clarify my own thinking about networking and hopefully better explain it to others.

The disconnect from the reality of networking here is simple: if you hate networking, you logically cannot also like building mutually beneficial relationships, since the two things are identical.

I'd estimate that 80% of your success at networking involves internalizing the mindset (by that I mean the personal goal and processes that work) of building mutually beneficial relationships, and if that was all you did you would see great value in the experience. 

“No one is buying"

This is actually what most networking professionals mean when they talk about the networking disconnect, and it is probably the main source of new networkers not seeing the value of the process. If you asked any random group about their interest in buying your product or service, from you, right NOW, few would say they are ready. The reasons are simple: they don't know you, like you, or trust you, and they are not currently looking to buy what you are offering.

Similarly, while many people attend networking events with the goal of selling something, most everyone is not there to buy. They attend events to begin or continue the process of building mutually beneficial relationships.

This disconnect is also simple: If you stop trying to sell, turn on the charm, develop relationships, and find ways to add value to those relationships (generally through referrals), people will respond by making referrals to you!

"I'm supposed to meet and talk to these people?"

It surprised me to learn, even from people who have been networking for quite a while, that not everyone has realized what these 1-2-1 meetings are about. I can understand not knowing how to do a 1-2-1 (there are lots of ways), but not realizing the value of a directed conversation, or the idea that networkers ought to meet outside of networking events to get to know each other better reminded me once again that: This. Skill. Is. Not. Taught.

Anyone who attends a networking event and is not regularly having conversations with those they meet and with whom they connect is missing the most important part of networking. (That is the part about building relationships, in case you didn't catch that from my earlier posts). Telling people what you do, who you do it for, and who you would like a referral to will only get you so far. You need people to know, like, and trust you. You need to be remembered when the opportunity arises for them to make the referral. And you need to train them how to properly refer you. 

This works best if both people in the conversation have those goals. That is why networkers meet and talk to people. 

Anyone who attends a networking event and is not regularly having conversations with those they meet and with whom they connect is missing the most important part of networking. (That is the part about building relationships, in case you didn't catch that from my earlier emails). Telling people what you do, who you do it for, and who you would like a referral to will only get you so far. You need people to know, like, and trust you. You need to be remembered when the opportunity arises for them to make the referral. And you need to train them how to properly refer you. 

This works best if both people in the conversation have those goals. That is why networkers meet and talk to people.