Over the holidays, you will see people who have cared deeply about you your whole life, people you are meeting for the first time and lots of people in between. Many of those people will ask you how you are doing and what you do. And some of them will express concern or outright certainty that you will never be employed again.
There are, broadly speaking, two categories of reasons for their worries :
1. They are concerned about you. They hear bad things about the market and they are concerned you are having too difficult a time.
2. They have anxiety; their worldview is that bad things are happening and they’re frightened.
In the spirit of the season, and building KLT (Know, Like and Trust factor), you can be empathetic (after all, you know what scared feels like) and you can help turn the conversation around to be more encouraging..
There’s a 3-Step formula you can use to communicate that you’re going to be ok:
Acknowledge your relationship as well as their care and concern.
Share positive info about the market, what the process is, and what you are doing. This will reassure them, as well as yourself.
Encourage them to help. They won’t feel so helpless and you will gain support.
1. Acknowledge how much they mean to you: They are anxious and you know how that is.
a. Express empathy. As I said, in the spirit of the season, we can acknowledge their anxiety. Not that you don’t deserve yours, but you’re more knowledgeable on this point. You can say something like
b. “I can see that you are worried about me/us, and I appreciate it. It’s understandable given all the press. And there is a lot more to the story.
2. Give some information that will reassure them that you have a game plan that addresses all the obstacles.
a. I’m in a couple of networking groups/have outplacement/etc., b) these groups study the job market and are in the know, have the most recent evidence and info about how professionals are hired into good organizations and c) - this is where the change is - you know you are needed in a role that suits you. Other people around you have affirmed you are needed and qualified.
b. Your conviction and positive outlook can help make your point. (You can use power poses if you need to.[1])
3. Give them encouragement that they, too, can help. They can do this by
a. Reassuring you from time to time that they know you’re terrific at what you do and that it’s important. It’s great when they share examples of your strengths.
b. Acknowledging (also from time to time) that you are working hard on your search and that surely someone is going to hire you soon, because… how could they not?!
c. Offering to help you find a job. If they offer, ask them if they are interested in a) knowing a bit more about what you do, b) learning what words to say to tell others about what you do; c) thinking about whom they already know (or if they hear of anyone) you can talk with who shares your interests, and d) introducing you to those persons. (Have your business cards ready.)
Finally, give them encouragement back that they are supporting you and it’s great to know you are friends/relatives, etc. because they have your back and that just plain feels good.
ONE LAST THOUGHT ABOUT ENCOURAGEMENT: If someone is consistently a downer, draining your energy or insisting that you are not going to succeed, please acknowledge their anxiety and then limit your time with them as much as possible. You can go back to spending time with them later if you want to, when you have your new job under you.
Bad is stronger than good, but bad is not more REAL than good.
A couple of tidbits may help people accept the things you are saying even if it conflicts with the negative comments they’ve been repeatedly hearing.
A. YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE bad is stronger than good and that’s why they’re remembering the bad news. It’s just the way our brains are wired. Then you can remind them that two things are working in your favor: the unemployment rate is low, under 3% right now, AND jobs for professionals are created more than posted online. This is a really good thing because the strategy you’re using for job finding is networking so that employers who need the work that you do will find you through all the people who know you are out looking.
(Sometimes this is hard for us to remember since job seekers who have landed, are not in our circles anymore. We don’t see them because they are hard at work, learning the new ropes.)
B. AGEISM IS GENERALLY A TOPIC a worried person will bring up. Yes, ageism, racism, sexism and all kinds of other -isms exist and are terrible. And they might keep you from getting a particular job, but they don’t keep you from getting a job. You already know the trick is to be in relationships so others who know, like and trust you can recommend you to hiring authorities as openings come up. This gets past any stereotypes hiring authorities might have.
C. WE DO NOT KNOW what is going on behind the scenes. As tempting as it is to think that there are no jobs out there, the truth is jobs are being created All. The. Time. Employers frequently ask their friends who they know who’s good because they don’t want to have to post their job opening on the internet.
I think it’s in your best interests to a) tell people this so they don’t worry so much and b) so you and they stay encouraged, keeping ears and eyes open to refer you. Networking is how professionals get jobs.
Finally, in case anyone still wants to try to convince you that it is impossible to find work at your age or with all these downsizings, etc., it is encouraging to note that even during the Great Depression, the unemployment rate was as high as 25%.[2] It was hard to find work. But 75% of the people who were looking for work were able to find it. I don’t mean to disparage the people who could not find work. It was hard. And it is also true that people were doing jobs they didn’t want to do. But my point here is that finding work is never hopeless.
I hope this gives you some topics for conversation during the holidays. If you’d like more support, check out our other holiday related posts on our BLOG. There are quite a number of posts on networking how-to’s and other job search topics. Feel free to reach out to us and don’t forget to smile. It’s the greatest advantage that you have!
[1] There are several videos and articles about Amy Cuddy’s power pose research. This link has a discussion about how others perceive us differently depending on our body language. And we may perceive ourselves differently as well. What I can say is that I have had clients swear by these poses for tense situations.
[2] I don’t usually cite Wikipedia, but in this case they have a lot of sources you might like to check out.